Oh Gosh! I Took Out A Loan For My Husband....What Have I Done?

 

Not gender-specific

Just like washing dishes is no longer gender-specific. Let's kick off by stating a fact! It isn't only women who have been known to take out loans on behalf of their beloved "belusted"(a word I coined) spouse. Men have done the very same too. 

Later on, I'll get into why I'm focusing on women in this post**. Now that we've got that out of the way, let's get to the meat of the matter.

Reasons Why Women Do It

1. Empathy: the emotions of others, especially that of a spouse can easily affect a woman to the point of being caring just because.....because she fails to see it as people-pleasing. **one of the reasons why I'm focusing on women as I mentioned earlier**.
2. Acceptance: a new relationship does all sorts of weird and wonderful things to a woman. Wanting to be accepted as a caring wife plays a big role in why you'll find yourself agreeing to such a huge ask.
3. Fear: of being criticised or rejected as an unsupportive wife. Oh, that guilt trip a woman puts on herself is awful.

Regrets

It still shocks me the number of times I hear a woman lament about her regrets taking a loan out for her hubby.

I can almost feel their anguish and pain. The thought of how much was borrowed. The thought of the stress in getting her darling to commit to setting up that monthly standing order to repay her - so she can repay the lender. The thought of another argument over the standing order bouncing. The thought of being made to feel like, "so, you think you are something special because blah blah blah".

Thoughts! Thoughts!! Thoughts!!! Nightmarish thoughts. 

Pause, Think, Pause

There isn't anything necessarily illegal about taking out a loan on behalf of your husband. 

Me: I feel it's deceptive doing it. Why? The lender is bound of have asked what you as the woman needs the loan for.

I very much doubt that any woman would tell a lender that she's borrowing money on behalf of her husband. Again, why? Probably because the lender may refuse to lend her the money. Probably because the lender will give her an earful if they knew exactly what her reason(s) are. 

Whatever the case, not being able to be 100% honest about what, and why the loan is required, means one thing. You have given the lender incorrect information.

9 out of 10 cases I've come across, it's usually a downhill struggle from here on end. 

Don't Dig Yourself A Hole

• Listen, don't do it. Better be safe than sorry. Save your marriage. Financial issues is the top destroyer of marriages. Cut out arguments over this unnecessary problem.
• Depression is REAL. Money problems is known to be a contributory factor to depression.
• This could be one of the pre-marital conversations you have before you say, 'I DO'(and iron out). If you are reading this as a single woman, I've got a freebie for you here. Single, married, divorced, widowed, best policy is to say, NO. It's the safest answer to give to avoid things going sour.

• Let me pose this question to you. Why should you as the wife be the one to take out the loan in your name for his use? NB - gents, no matter how beautifully loving she is, why should you have to take such a risk for her?
• Your credit is at RISK. The lender has no idea that you've taken the loan out on someone else's behalf.
• Verbal agreements between humans don't work. If that were to be the case, why is marriage sealed with a written contract and not just a verbal agreement? You get my point. Even the lender would have had you sign a legal contract.
• The answer is definitely NOT opening a joint bank account. Make it make sense please.
• Your husband knows that you weren't 100% honest with the lender, why should he be 1% committed to repaying you? 

What's The Alternative

• Here are some decent alternatives instead of.

I must confess, the sums of money we are talking about is not a few hundreds. We are talking about tens and even hundreds of thousands. 

Sadly, marriages destroyed beyond repair with couples living like strangers under the same roof. As woman, I'd rather save a marriage vs sit and watch a marriage fall apart as a result of an avoidable matter. **my other reason for focusing on women in this post**

Why would anyone put themselves through such pain. 

Let's have a chat in the comments below if you feel up to it. You can also email me if you'd like to chat more privately.

Oh, before I forget, here's my previous related posts which I know you'll also enjoy.

Until next time,

Much 💜

Deborah